Category: God

I believe in God.  I know He is there, and part of my life, and I know that He interacts with me.  When I hear Him speak to me, directly or through others, I rely on the words and pictures He gives me.  I don’t ever want to stop doing that.  But I nearly did.

In October, I went to the Filling Station (relaxed “church” on a Friday night).  Someone prayed for me and gave me a word – the word was fertility, and during his prayer he told me that I didn’t need to worry because it was done.  5 days later, I had a positive pregnancy test.  I knew the joy of discovering I was pregnant, coupled with a reassurance that came from my belief that this pregnancy was from God.  He had told me not to worry; He had spoken about my pregnancy before I knew of it.  So I didn’t worry and I trusted that it was part of God’s plan and that this pregnancy was protected by Him.

That made the miscarriage really difficult.  Continue reading “God is not a fortune teller”

I wasn’t sure whether or not to write this.  I’m not sure if I will post it.  It might simply be part of the healing process just to write it.  But I also feel it is something that should be said.  I know I will struggle to talk about it for some time still, so perhaps if I write it down, I’m at least taking a tiny step towards making this topic less taboo…

In November, I had a miscarriage.  That’s hard to write.  I can’t say it out loud without welling up.  We’d not been trying to get pregnant for long, and were so excited to get that first positive pregnancy test.  We saw the doctor, and told our immediate families and a few close friends.  At 8 and a half weeks I started bleeding.  At just over 9 weeks the miscarriage was confirmed.  A blighted ovum.  I had 2 weeks of bleeding and pain, and the trauma of physically losing my baby.  Once the physical pain and bleeding finally subsided, I had a week or so more of pregnancy symptoms while I waited for the pregnancy hormone to leave my body.  That’s a cruel addition to an already unbearable time.

Continue reading “Thank you”