If you’ve read one of my latest blogs, you might have guessed that my husband has been using bits of annual leave during lockdown to get into his DIY. The washing line has been the most recent project of choice. He decided it would be more convenient if it were on the other side of the room, so carefully moved it. On its first use in the new location, it came crashing down rather spectacularly and broke. I guess after 25 years, plastic washing lines are allowed to throw in the towel, or throw it off in this instance.
Now some of my readers will know that my husband is of that wonderful breed of men – focused, determined, stubborn – a coder. Have a read of “How to live with a software developer” if you want an insight into his mind. There was only one way this was going to go when the relocated washing line failed. He’s building me a new one. From scratch. It’s been completely redesigned (it’s going to be a sort of wooden ladder, spanning the length of our utility room). The wood has been purchased. I counted at least 6 Bosch power tool boxes and 2 tool boxes outside last time I looked. Those who know about such things will understand why I’m worried that the Bosch boxes seem to be more blue than green now. My toddler is getting stuck in too and has taken his ear defenders and toy tools outside. The toys have been discarded pretty quickly in favour of real tools. It’s a great activity for them both. And it offers me a chance to give you another insight into this particular type of mind. How my software developer does DIY.
He tells me DIY is mostly about the planning and preparation. He’s probably right. It certainly is when he does it. We’ve had at least a week of struggling to get his attention as he sits glued to his phone, absorbed in Wickes and Screwfix shopping lists, measurements of the room and videos about carpentry. He’s asked question after question about how high it should be, how far apart I want the rungs to be, how many hangers I use to hang out each wash… He’s justified a fair few purchases.
The day before yesterday we finally reached the doing stage. Or so I thought. Turns out it was the practising with the tools and spare bits of wood stage. Proof of concept too I think. A dress rehearsal for the real thing. Never mind. Yesterday he got all the tools out again (it’s a good thing we can’t entertain anyway for now as our dining room table is laden with power tools every evening). This is it, I thought. I’ll finally get my washing line. The power tools were going most of the day. All morning I heard them whirring. By lunch time I went out to see what they’d achieved (and remind them to wear sun cream). They proudly informed me that the 2 long pieces of wood had now been sanded and a bit cut off each of them.
By the time I went inside to put dinner on, the circular saw had been going for most of the afternoon. And 2 pieces of wood were now 8 pieces of wood. Today is a new day. As I write this sentence, I can see him outside, setting up a pillar drill. And hammering guide holes, or whatever they’re called, into bits of wood. I’m feeling optimistic about the finished result (although I suspect I’ll post this before we get to that).
My optimism is evidence based. His projects are always lengthy, usually expensive and certainly over engineered. They also work out pretty perfectly. The careful planning and extensive tools, coupled with his pin point focus and inability to give up on anything, are a an ideal combination for good DIY projects. It drives me crazy of course when all I want is a quick fix, but it’s wonderful for making long term improvements round the house.
It occurs to me that there’s a lot to be learnt from how my husband does DIY. Obviously a certain amount of that is about making sure none of the projects are urgent, not needing him for anything during the project and keeping a close eye on the credit card bill. But there are also lessons in perseverance, taking time to do things right and finding joy in achieving something oneself.
He has never grasped the concept of doing half a job. Either he won’t bother at all, or it will be perfect. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen him give up (or give in, so don’t bother starting an argument with him!). If he’s decided he wants to do something he doesn’t see it as hard work or high effort. He just focuses on it and keeps going until it’s done. My personality definitely balances that out. I could give anyone a masterclass in getting a passable job done “in the margins”, doing just enough of everything in little pockets of time. But of course, what mum couldn’t? Sometimes finished is better than right. But more often than I’d admit, I’d do well to get it a bit more right first!
I think the standards we choose to accept from ourselves are a challenge for all of us, as we all need to find the right balance. My husband and I are lucky enough to have opposing tendencies on this, which works for us! I don’t want to be responsible for making anyone feel pressured into raising their standards, especially at such a tough time. Sometimes the hard bit is allowing ourselves to lower them! But I do have a task for those of you who would like one. I’d love to challenge my readers to practise the 3rd lesson I mentioned above. Try doing or making something yourself from scratch and experience the joy that can be found from pride in your work and from gratitude to yourself for not giving up. But please also remember not to spend your life savings on it, and to maintain some perspective if it doesn’t go to plan! O, and share what you’ve made.
You make a perfect team!
A perfect combination – no bodged jobs!