I’ll be there for you

Who are your friends?  Who do you call when the sun has come out and you feel like a barbecue, or when you find yourself at a loose end and want some company?  Who do you want to tell first when you’ve had some good news, or who do you need to tell first when you’ve had some bad news?  Who loves you even when you’re tired and grumpy?  I’m really, really lucky.  I’ve got the most amazing friends.  There are the friends I see only occasionally, but getting a hug from them feels like coming home.  There are the friends I see several times a week but we never run out of things to talk about or ways to have fun together.  And everything in between.

Towards the end of last year, my husband and I had to lean on some of our friends.  And I mean really lean on them.  I’ve talked about this in earlier blog posts so I won’t go into the detail now, but suffice to say it was the support from our friends that helped us to function again and move through a devastating time.  That was something of a new experience for us.  We’d known we had wonderful friends.  We’d experienced many, many benefits of being surrounded by such amazing people.  But we hadn’t had to fully depend on them so much.  This might be taken as read, but they came through for us in all the ways we needed.  And that got me thinking about all the things friends do for each other, big and small, noticed and unnoticed.

Practical Support

There is so much that comes under this heading, but it stems from the same attitude – friends who are prepared to put aside their plans, to give up their time, to help you out when you need another pair of hands.  In the past few years, our church house group have helped each other to move house, build furniture and give lifts (near and far, whether or not the driver was heading that way).  We’ve filled in for each other with church commitments; we’ve watered plants, put out bins and fed pets.  We’ve provided showers, meals, or cooking facilities.  When there has been a need, someone (or several someones) has made sure that the need was met.

Confidence, Encouragement and Validation

I think these are things we do without realising it, but they are just as essential as offering practical support.  Firstly, when we are stepping out of our comfort zone and trying something new, a little confidence can go a long way.  Friends can provide that.  After our wedding, for example, my husband said that his speech was made much easier than he thought it would be by the simple fact that everyone there was rooting for him.  Friendly faces, who want us to do well but will love us regardless, can go a long way to helping us take a step into the unknown.  Secondly, some encouragement from friends definitely helps us to try things we might not otherwise try.  I’ve tried lots of new things at church – singing in a band, leading a band, leading the prayers, leading the service, helping in Sunday school, operating the projector, etc. etc.  I would not have managed any of those without the encouragement of my friends – they helped me to feel like I could manage those things and that actually, that it was OK if I didn’t!  And lastly, we need the validation we receive from our friends.  We need people to tell us afterwards when we did a good job (and to help us with the things we didn’t do so well).

Prayer Support

This cannot be underestimated, but often goes unseen.  I’m sure most people reading this will have experienced how powerful it is simply to know that someone is thinking of you.  It makes us feel loved, important and backed up.  How much more powerful is it to know that someone is praying for you?  To know that someone loves us and is asking God to intercede on our behalf.  I’ve asked friends for prayer support more times than I can possibly count, and have given it too.  Friends have prayed with me, and have taken my needs to God in their daily conversations with Him.  One thing I’ll say about prayer support, is that you may find it easiest to give and receive this type of support if you are open with your friends.  That’s certainly been my experience.  Opening up about whatever it is that I need prayer for is a helpful process in itself, and sets me on the path to receiving God’s peace.

Fellowship

I’ve saved this one to last, perhaps because it is the way I most frequently experience support from my friends.  It comes in all shapes and sizes.  A quick WhatsApp, meeting for coffee, meeting for dinner, just chilling out at home together, or any other way of spending time with each other – whatever the format, time with friends is wonderful.  It’s time to give love, and to receive it several times over.  It’s time to laugh and cry.  It’s time to be ourselves, to let down the walls, to feel safe in the knowledge that the people we’re with have already accepted us, and we’ve already accepted them.  Spending time surrounded by love, and with an opportunity to give love – what can top that?

So, with the above in mind, I would encourage you to do 2 things.

1. Make sure you are offering support to your friends, in any form they need, without any thought for being paid back. And actually, pray that you won’t often need to be paid back!
2. Join a church house group! They are wonderful ways to learn about God, delve into scripture and meet with God while in a save and loving environment.  But first and foremost, they are an opportunity for fellowship, support and a chance to “do life” with friends.  I cannot overestimate the incredible combination of friends who want to support you because they love you AND because they love God – it is a potent mix!  And if our friends are the family we choose for ourselves, what better family is there than one with God at its head?