How do you cope with silence? Do you like it? Does a silent room, or that moment when you’re walking and you suddenly realise you can’t hear any cars for once, feel you with joy? Or do you feel trapped by it, desperate to break out and make some noise?
For me, when I’m on my own (or trying to work) I love silence. I thrive on it. I can focus. If I’m outside, silence helps me to focus on what I can see instead, and so I get to explore more of God’s beauty without distractions. But when I’m with people, I hate it! I’m terrible with an awkward silence, filling it instead with inane conversation. I’m still only intermittently good at handling companionable silence with my husband.
And it’s no different when I talk to God. I struggle to spend time in companionable silence, waiting patiently for something from God and simply enjoying his presence in the meantime. Instead I tell Him what I want from Him, or explain that I’m trying not to tell Him what I want from Him… I fill up the space with my own words, a never-ending monologue, and kid myself that I’ve left space for God.
I think we’re all used to noise and distractions, and actually, I think we’ve all become pretty good at multi-tasking. The other night saw me eating dinner, watching MasterChef, booking a flight on my tablet and checking airport parking on my phone. Lots of things going at once – that’s our sweet spot. But having to focus on just one thing, especially when that thing feels like simply waiting, is really hard. When was the last time you waited for something (a train, a phone call, the oven timer…) without filling the wait with something else, even if just checking your phone?
When I was doing my finals, my college put on some relaxation sessions – I was the only one who turned up, but I went along almost every day – just me and the college nurse, in a big hall, listening to a relaxation tape. It was a simple tape; I’d lie on the floor, eyes closed, and follow the instructions, tensing and relaxing one muscle group at a time, while breathing in a particular way. It took half an hour, and that was my one half hour of me time each day in the build up to my finals. And it really, really helped! I took some time to let the distractions go, to stop the constant monologue in my head, running through facts or revision schedules, and simply be me, in the quiet, for half an hour.
Now I try to replace tensing and relaxing muscles and breathing patterns with time spent with God. The problem is, sitting in God’s presence, waiting to hear from Him, is even less active than lying on the floor in my college thinking about my breathing. So I’ve developed a way of achieving it (sometimes). Instead of trying to clear my mind, I take it to my “happy place”. Lots of you will probably have one too – somewhere in your mind you can go when the world gets too much. Mine is a beautiful place – there is woodland, and a tree stump that I always get to quickly and where I can rest a while before moving on. When it is cold or damp, there is a small log cabin with a fire. And there are beautiful mountains the other side of a large river. I’ve spent a lot of time sitting on the riverbank there, talking to God.
I can handle silence in nature. It helps me to appreciate it, and to see God. So my happy place allows me to do the same. Rather than sitting, waiting, I can spend time enjoying God’s beauty. I think that also puts me in a better frame of mind, allowing me to be more receptive to Him. And finally, when I’ve cleared the distractions, settled my mind somewhere safe and beautiful, I hear God, and I feel Him. I feel His love, His pride, His challenges for me. On the occasions when I’ve really let myself sit in silence, waiting on God, I come away from those experiences feeling whole, refreshed and like I’ve absorbed a little bit of God.
I often end my blog articles with a suggestion, and today’s is no different. It’s the bank holiday weekend. It’s probably going to rain. So why not take a few minutes, at some point this weekend, to practise waiting for God in the silence. Put your phone to one side (on silent!), turn off your music or the TV, make yourself comfortable, close your eyes and picture yourself somewhere without distractions. Whatever place works for you – it might be a real place, or, like mine, it might be an ideal that you create in your mind. Then wait. If you need to occupy yourself, notice things about the place you’ve taken your mind, consider what you can learn of God through them, and think about God. Ask Him to meet you in that place. You’ve nothing to lose, and you might end up spending a few minutes with God. What could be better than that?