Pregnancy Lessons

So, today I’m 38 weeks’ pregnant.  Full term, ready to meet baby, feeling like I’m getting bigger by the day!  I’m also 4 days into my maternity leave.  And so while I get used to the loss of one routine, and wait to be able to build up a new one, I’m reflecting on the things I’ve learnt during my pregnancy.

I definitely count myself as one of the lucky ones – pregnancy has been pretty good to me on the whole.  I’ve enjoyed watching my bump grow, and feeling my little boy more and more.  I’ve loved those precious moments spent with my husband, while he feels our son kicking or we prepare our house for the impending chaos.  And I’ve cherished those times we’ve been able to spend as a pair, before we become three – impromptu date nights, a trip to the cinema (in which I managed to get through a whole film without going to the toilet!!), or curling up in front of MasterChef with a home cooked meal.  I’ve not suffered with bad sickness, or been too uncomfortable, and I’m still getting some sleep (thanks to my maternity pillow).  I’m managing to get over 10,000 steps most days, and can put (most of) my shoes on by myself.

There have been downsides too of course, and things I’ve missed – I can’t wait to have a big glass of red wine, with a medium rare piece of fillet steak, or a really hot bubble bath every once in a while.  I’m looking forward to being able to get out of bed without a helping shove from my husband.  And while I didn’t think I’d be saying this, I’m actually looking forward to doing a proper workout – going for a run, or getting back into some tabata.

But aside from these more obvious things, there is a lot that I’ve learnt about myself as I’ve gone through my pregnancy.  I know life is about to change more than I could possibly imagine, but I’m determined to take some of these lessons with me into motherhood:

I struggle with the unknown

I wasn’t really aware that this was true about me, perhaps because I’d never really put it to the test.  But during my pregnancy, there have been lots of times when I’ve been waiting to find out information.  I’ve struggled most when this is about our baby – waiting for test results, for example, has really thrown me and the weeks I’ve found hardest have been those when I’m waiting to find out if everything is OK.  However, I’ve also struggled with the unknown in other areas of my life, even when much more trivial.  When big changes are coming, I rely on familiarity in other areas of life to balance things out.

And on that, I’ve had to learn trust – trusting God, trusting my husband, trusting myself and my ability to cope.  I’ve had to hand over control to God, which has been good for me, but really hard!

My energy is not limitless

Finishing work was something of a relief for me, even if I had mixed feelings about it.  It was only really when I stopped working that I realised quite how much of my energy I had been giving to my company, and therefore quite how little I’d been leaving for myself, and my relationships.  My body has been demanding energy from me, and that’s non-negotiable.  So that’s left me with a limited supply for everything else.  Giving our all when we make commitments is important, but we have to recognise that commitments come in different forms.  And that we have a commitment to ourselves.  If we use up all our energy on work, we don’t leave enough for ourselves, which in turn impacts our ability to deliver in other areas.

So when it comes to energy, I’ve had to learn to say enough is enough, I’m not going to make that event, or I’m going to leave that piece of work unfinished.  Sometimes, the thing we need most is a nap, or half an hour to watch a bit of trashy TV.  Prioritising is crucial, and there are times when we need to prioritise ourselves.  That’s easier in pregnancy because by prioritising myself I can tell myself I’m really prioritising my baby – I just need to learn to keep it up, at least occasionally, once baby arrives.

I’m not an extrovert

I used to define myself as an extrovert, but I don’t anymore.  At least, not all the time.  A year ago I’d have told you that I was the sociable one in our marriage, and that my husband mainly liked it to be just the 2 of us.  But as I’ve retreated more and more into myself, needing to take time for me, to re-build my energy stores and to rely increasingly on my husband for support, he’s quietly stepped into the role of the sociable one.  He’s arranged for us to see friends, or carried the conversation when I haven’t felt up to it.  And he’s coped when all I’ve wanted is to hibernate away from the rest of the world.

Essentially, I’ve learnt that the roles in our marriage aren’t as well-defined as I thought, and that he is capable of doing so much.  He’s got this wonderful ability simply to step up and be or do whatever is needed, regardless of what comes naturally to him.  So I think my pregnancy has been a reminder not to underestimate my husband!

I’m really, really impatient

As I’ve passed each milestone in this pregnancy, I’ve had a brief time of enjoying it, and then I’m on to the next thing, “just” needing to get to the next stage.  I’ve not really solved this one, but I’ve become more aware of it and hopefully that will help me as I head into motherhood.  During this little bit of maternity leave, before baby arrives, I’m trying to enjoy each day of peace and quiet, or opportunities to feel refreshed and to take some alone-time.  I have it on good authority from a friend with a 4-month old that while the days may be long, the weeks and months are certainly short, and so I’m determined to cherish the moments I get with baby and not wish them away while I look to the next milestone.

I need support

I think this has been my biggest lesson in this pregnancy.  I’d already had a crash course in needing support, thanks to our miscarriage last year, but during the pregnancy, I’ve had to get better at accepting support.   Even simple things, like sitting down and letting our friends get their own drinks when visiting, or waiting for my husband to bring in the shopping rather than trying to do it all myself.

And as I’ve accepted the need for support, I’ve also realised quite how much of it I have.  I’ve always known I married my perfect man and his support seems to be limitless (regardless of my hormone levels!!), but I’ve also experienced the support of my friends, my church community, my family, my colleagues.  And of course I’ve had God’s support.  He’s been my comfort, my retreat, my strength, my energy, and everything in between.  I know I’m going to need all these forms of support as I move into the next phase of my life.